I've been diagnosed...
Happy New Year.
Where do I begin?
I guess I could begin by telling you my news. I've been making myself productive in other areas, because I've unconsciously been avoiding this post.
Someone asked me recently about my new years resolution. At first, my initial thought was a bit of a Debbie downer, so I refrained from giving such a blunt answer. As I've thought a bit more about that question, I've decided to be more of an open book.
2018 has indeed left its mark...
I've had a tumor growing. Since August I've been trying to get answers, and I finally had enough and went to see my specialist in SC. I felt like people were trying to give me bad news, but giving me the run around before delivering it. I stayed positive that this was just another benign tumor. I've had two in my past, so I was not new to this whole process.
However, the tumor didn't feel the same. Something inside kept telling me this was different, and it needed to be handled as soon as possible. I would take days off of work to see doctors and have tests done. Only those close to me knew what I was going through. Others thought I was just sick from the colds/germs...I am very reserved when it comes to my personal life, so I would never correct them.
About a week ago, after some more tests, I received a call from my doctor in South Carolina with the final results of my pathology report. Keep in mind I am still living in Florida. He didn't want to deliver the news over the phone, but I insisted. (Now or Later...it wouldn't have made a difference.)
He told me that I had been diagnosed with stage 3c cancer...
I tried my hardest to maintain my composure. His attempt to sympathize with me was very touching, and he asked if I had questions. My response was no.
What do I ask at that moment? How? Why? Why me?...so many questions, but none that would bring me consolation. In that moment, I just needed to cry.
He hung up to call an oncologist to walk us through the next steps. I took that moment to just process this information. We spoke a few minutes later and I did start to ask him questions. I was crying, but I had to pull it together while I asked my questions.
When our conversations were over, I asked my sister to come to my room. She was the first person to hear the news. She just let me vent and cry. She provided a shoulder to cry on. She cried with me.
It is the hardest pill to swallow.
The night before I had given a sermon about Job...and I could completely relate. I felt all kinds of emotions in that moment. I didn't understand. I was hurt. I was confused. I was sad. I was upset. I questioned everything about myself and my purpose.
A half hour later, I delivered the news to my pastors. I had to sing that night at church. I didn't know how I would make it through anything. When they spoke with me, they gave me words of encouragement and love. I decided that I wouldn't let this interfere with my purpose that night. Any other time I've faced death in my past singing was my outlet, worshipping my God was my cure. So, this was the only way I would let it all out without causing a scare or worry. I pushed through worship that night, and God spoke to me through His word.
The last week has been exhausting delivering the news to my family and close friends.
I tried to be strong and not cry...but it's impossible. Sometimes...you just need to cry. I thank the Lord for all of my family and friends who have surrounded me with love and words of encouragement. I wouldn't know how to handle this if it weren't for God or them.
I've cried and cried some more.
But...
I've found strength in the Lord. I don't have all the answers, but I know He has a plan. It's near Him that I feel like everything is going to be ok. I don't know what the future holds, but do any of us?
I've just been placed in a ring to fight for my life, where my faith is being tested every day.
I may have been given a man made "timeline" but God's timing never seems to match ours. So, as far as cancer is concerned...God has the last word.
2019 is going to be a long year, but I'm going to face it with my trust in the Lord. If there's one thing I've learned from being a Garcia, it's that we are stubborn. I won't go out without a fight.
Cancer may have a part of my body, but God has my soul. So, live 2019 to the fullest and make a difference my loves.
-Dayse
Where do I begin?
I guess I could begin by telling you my news. I've been making myself productive in other areas, because I've unconsciously been avoiding this post.
Someone asked me recently about my new years resolution. At first, my initial thought was a bit of a Debbie downer, so I refrained from giving such a blunt answer. As I've thought a bit more about that question, I've decided to be more of an open book.
2018 has indeed left its mark...
I've had a tumor growing. Since August I've been trying to get answers, and I finally had enough and went to see my specialist in SC. I felt like people were trying to give me bad news, but giving me the run around before delivering it. I stayed positive that this was just another benign tumor. I've had two in my past, so I was not new to this whole process.
However, the tumor didn't feel the same. Something inside kept telling me this was different, and it needed to be handled as soon as possible. I would take days off of work to see doctors and have tests done. Only those close to me knew what I was going through. Others thought I was just sick from the colds/germs...I am very reserved when it comes to my personal life, so I would never correct them.
About a week ago, after some more tests, I received a call from my doctor in South Carolina with the final results of my pathology report. Keep in mind I am still living in Florida. He didn't want to deliver the news over the phone, but I insisted. (Now or Later...it wouldn't have made a difference.)
He told me that I had been diagnosed with stage 3c cancer...
I tried my hardest to maintain my composure. His attempt to sympathize with me was very touching, and he asked if I had questions. My response was no.
What do I ask at that moment? How? Why? Why me?...so many questions, but none that would bring me consolation. In that moment, I just needed to cry.
He hung up to call an oncologist to walk us through the next steps. I took that moment to just process this information. We spoke a few minutes later and I did start to ask him questions. I was crying, but I had to pull it together while I asked my questions.
When our conversations were over, I asked my sister to come to my room. She was the first person to hear the news. She just let me vent and cry. She provided a shoulder to cry on. She cried with me.
It is the hardest pill to swallow.
The night before I had given a sermon about Job...and I could completely relate. I felt all kinds of emotions in that moment. I didn't understand. I was hurt. I was confused. I was sad. I was upset. I questioned everything about myself and my purpose.
A half hour later, I delivered the news to my pastors. I had to sing that night at church. I didn't know how I would make it through anything. When they spoke with me, they gave me words of encouragement and love. I decided that I wouldn't let this interfere with my purpose that night. Any other time I've faced death in my past singing was my outlet, worshipping my God was my cure. So, this was the only way I would let it all out without causing a scare or worry. I pushed through worship that night, and God spoke to me through His word.
The last week has been exhausting delivering the news to my family and close friends.
I tried to be strong and not cry...but it's impossible. Sometimes...you just need to cry. I thank the Lord for all of my family and friends who have surrounded me with love and words of encouragement. I wouldn't know how to handle this if it weren't for God or them.
I've cried and cried some more.
But...
I've found strength in the Lord. I don't have all the answers, but I know He has a plan. It's near Him that I feel like everything is going to be ok. I don't know what the future holds, but do any of us?
I've just been placed in a ring to fight for my life, where my faith is being tested every day.
I may have been given a man made "timeline" but God's timing never seems to match ours. So, as far as cancer is concerned...God has the last word.
2019 is going to be a long year, but I'm going to face it with my trust in the Lord. If there's one thing I've learned from being a Garcia, it's that we are stubborn. I won't go out without a fight.
Cancer may have a part of my body, but God has my soul. So, live 2019 to the fullest and make a difference my loves.
-Dayse
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