The Life of Dayse

 Hello World!  Where do I begin? All I can say is...I made it!  I was wondering when I would gain the courage to get back on here and talk about my experiences. These days, I'm very private with my life.  It comes with age.  You learn in your adulthood. The less people know, the less influence they have on your life. Sometimes you need less influence to gain the courage to do the unthinkable.  So, I've decided to become an open book yet again. What can I say? When I think I'll stay away...I don't. Oh well, you'll just have to love me the way I am. LOL.  The good. The bad. The messy. All of it.  Ok, back to I MADE IT!  If you haven't read my last blog post, just take a moment and read...I'll wait.  Done? Perfect. Yeah. I MADE IT TO SOUTH KOREA!  I didn't just make it. I moved to South Korea to teach English. Crazy. I know.  I've been here a month, and I can finally share a little bit of the experience with you. I'm still in shoc...

 Hello beautiful people,  I know. I'm slack, but I promise I have good reasons. Living life is one of them , but I also tend to do things behind the scenes that only a handful of people know about...well knew about. I'm about to be very vulnerable with you. Remember the last post about passion?...well, a lot has happened since that post. I even went back to read it today, and I am grateful for the post. I needed to hear those words again. Last night, I was talking to my good friend, and I realized that I don't have a passion. (We already knew that Dayse...duh. LOL) Little did I remember about my post regarding passion. I was getting a little bored with one of my current jobs (yes, jobs), and I was contemplating changing my job. As I was waiting for my study session to begin, I sat in my car and researched " how to find my passion. " I took a mini test, and the results were spot on. It described me down to the smallest detail. I was mainly tickled, but I was inspi...

Hello World!  I'm back! Again...and again...and again. Let's face it. This is our complicated relationship. lol. At any rate, I have so many things I want to share, but I have to introduce them at the right time. In God's time. If you don't know, this is my lifestyle blog. I have a fashion/beauty blog as well, but I'll have to post something new later. It's kind of hard to always be an open book, especially when so much is going on in my life. Nothing is consistent, but I am at peace with all of the changes.  Through this journey of changes, I am discovering my love for reading again. As some of you may know, I teach. As a Kindergarten teacher, I know the building blocks for reading, but I've recently discovered the building blocks for the soul. As a Christian, many would say the Bible! Can I be honest? Sometimes, the Bible can be hard to read. I also hate the subject of history...or I thought I did until one of new york's times best selling authors put ...

 Hello World,  How do I begin to explain the feelings I'm having right now? I'm in the middle of a career change, and that means ... interviews, interviews, interviews . I'll let you know making a change in your life in your 30s is not ideal. The job market stinks right now, so I do feel like I'm having to settle for just enough. If you know me, you know that if I don't LOVE it, I won't commit to it. I'm torn.   I guess it's part of discovering my genuine interests and goals. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE children, but I don't love teaching enough to commit to it for a life time. At least, I do not feel like I could settle into the teacher role at ONE location forever. I feel like that's more of a retirement goal.  So what's next Dayse? What's next in my life? I guess that really depends on the job that decides I'm worth the investment, and the longevity of that position. I can make extreme choices that no one will understand, or I ...

 Hello World,  Vacation is over now, and I can get back to adulting. LOL. I have to say being in beautiful state and spending time with family is always a great small vacay. So, if you've never visited Portland, Oregon, it's a must! There's so much diversity, and the food is bomb! I haven't been disappointed yet! Oh, if you're a coffee lover, then you'll definitely enjoy the many places with amazing coffee! There were times that I didn't even put sugar in it...and that's wild to me! It was so good! I mean, I clearly was blessed to have such a great brother to care for me while I was in Portland! The air even feels fresh! Just go, you won't be disappointed. The views are amazing!  At any rate, I really just had so much fun! I mean, I did quite a few things on my own, but no biggie, I still enjoyed me! LOL. I took those moments to reflect on myself as a person. I'm kind of in the middle of an identity crisis. Yeah, I don't have it all figured o...

 Hello World,  Let's try to make this a thing. I can admit I'm the worst with consistency, but I'm trying to improve that area of my life. Today I wanted to talk about a recent moment that allowed me to see and feel a glimpse of unconditional love. I like to think of myself as someone who has experienced love throughout my life, regardless of the unfortunate events.  However, I can't say that I understood the term unconditional love to its' fullest until recently. As Christians, we always hear of God's unconditional love for us, but when do we ever really experience what it looks and feels like. We are human. We tie our love to conditions whether we like to admit it or not. As long as the person treats me right, I can love them. As long as they don't cross certain boundaries, I can love them. Sometimes, we form these conditions unknowingly.  What about someone who has wronged you? What about someone who mistreated you on purpose? What about someone who is a...

 Hello World,  I know. I know. I've been gone for quite some time. I don't even have a good excuse. Just life. Life happens so quickly sometimes that we hardly have time to breathe - at least my life has been that way since ending my treatment two years ago. It seems like so long ago, and then I realize it's only been 24 months. CRAZY!  Some days it feels like I never went through cancer. Other days, my body reminds me that it wasn't that long ago. The good news...my hair and brows are back-partially. LOL. I have to say I've come a long way in the hair game. ;)  Since ending my treatment, life has been a roller coaster. I've moved 3 times over the past 2 years. I left Florida and moved back to South Carolina. I came home in the middle of a pandemic. I pretty much went into "hiding" for the past 2 years, because I was protecting myself from COVID-19. My immune system just wasn't ready to handle a sickness.  Regardless of all of the care, I still cau...

Hello World... Where to begin? How to end? My world is turning right side up after being tossed upside down and in many directions for the past year and a half. I stand in the light that’s at the end of the tunnel. The grey clouds have lifted, and the beautiful clear skies adorn my atmosphere. I can finally breathe with peace in my heart. When I was on the radiation table a few months ago, there was a painting on the roof of a beautiful spring clear sky with flowers blooming on both sides. I would always imagine what life would be like if I could be outside at that moment instead of a metal table getting radiated through my body. I would often find myself tearing up...not out of pain, but out of exhaustion. Often, I prayed for a different scenario, where my life wasn't pinned against a wall. Where I could lay in the sun and take in the fresh air without fear of burning my skin or exposing my immune system. Well, the day has come... I AM OFFICIALLY A CANCER SURVIVOR.  I can ...

Hello World, Hip Hip Hooray! What can I say? Radiation is over and it made my day. Ok, that's about all of the rhyming I have in me this early in the morning. LOL. I'm waiting for my second appointment today in Tampa, so I thought I would update the blog. Yes, I still have many appointments in my future, but my daily appointments of getting radiated are over! Praise God! I have been getting radiation since after Thanksgiving until 4 days ago. Tuesday was the conclusion of 6 weeks of radiation. It has been a rough road indeed. All I can say is that God has given me strength to make it this far. When I was inquiring about the side effects of radiation, there were many horrifying and disheartening stories. I was a little afraid of the long term side effects of radiation on my heart and lungs. However, I trusted the Lord to keep them safe. If I was going to be allowed to walk down this road, then I knew God had a purpose for it. He hasn't left me yet, so why would He leav...

Hello World, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Oh boy. I have been looking forward to leaving 2019 behind for good. It has been such an "adventurous" year to say the least. If I could describe the past year, I would need to write an entire book. hehehe. I've actually had many people tell me to write a book. Maybe one day, when I've gathered enough courage to make it happen. Better yet...when God opens doors for me, I'll walk through them. :) Instead, I'm going to describe 2019 as a year of --TRUST. Despite all of my circumstances, I've had to learn to trust God the whole way. Only through that trust in my Savior...my Healer...my Counselor...my Strength...my Waymaker...my Redeemer was I able to make it to the year 2020. As I said my final prayer of 2019 and first prayer of 2020, my heart was overwhelmed with the greatness of God in my life. He's been so good to me! It's hard not to cry when I think of the Lord and all He has done for me. On New Years Eve, I was...

Hello World, I know. I know...it's been awhile. I'm here now. :) Wow, this year has really flown by me. A few days ago, I was going through my camera roll reflecting on the past year. Sometimes it takes us awhile before we can take a moment and digest the past year. Needless to say...it was one tough year. It seemed like I was caught in thrashing waves all year with a few moments of air. There were moments that I felt the storm was over, and then another wave would hit me from an unexpected angle...reminding me that it was far from over. At times, I felt like I would be caught on under a deadly wave, and never return for air...drowning is really one of the worst ways to die in more ways than one. 2019 was my test of faith. I don't know if I passed my test, but I can say I am becoming a different person as this part of my journey comes to an end. I had ups and downs and even more downs, but somehow God would lift me up again. He never let me go even when I messed up over...

Hello World, How time has flown...a lot has happened in the past few weeks. From Moffitt to Mayo Clinic, I've been in and out of hospitals to prepare for surgery. As surgery got closer, people kept asking if I was afraid or nervous. Since the biopsy results, I have been at peace. It was my confirmation that God's miraculous hand had handled my situation. I couldn't bother being nervous or scared, because my Creator was in control. On Sunday before the surgery, I was speaking to a sister in Christ. She asked me how I was feeling about surgery. I responded, "I'm just going to show them that God healed me. They need to see it with their own eyes. I'm at peace." I was a little amazed at how sure I was in my statement, but my spirit was telling me it was going to be ok. Sunday night, God ministered to me in a very special way. I felt His love and word give life and strength to me. He let me know everything was going to be ok, and what I was feeling this who...

Hello World, Thank you for all of the love and support you've shown since hearing about my last chemotherapy treatment! It has been such a great feeling to be free from it. So what's been happening? I am still dealing with chemo damage, but I won't complain because anything at this point is better than being under that treatment. A few weeks ago, I had an MRI. I had requested to be tested before making a decision for surgery. The night before my MRI...I felt anxious. What would I do if the tumor and cancer still appeared on it? Would I allow myself to move forward with this drastic surgery? What if the tumor was gone? Would they believe God had done a miracle? I braced myself for all of it, but I just cried. I know at this point I'm just a big baby. As I cried, I kept talking to God. I felt overwhelmed. I felt vulnerable. I was afraid. I was sad, because I still was feeling pain in the area. I put on worship music and had an honest conversation with the Lord. ...

Hello World, I only have one hour before I pass out on my keyboard. LOL. I'm a teacher now! We have bed times, and mine was an hour ago. hahaha. I wanted to share the good news that has been everywhere, BUT...I need to break it down for you. It's been on my heart the past few days. I'M OFFICIALLY DONE WITH CHEMOTHERAPY!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! YESSS!!! GLORY TO GOD!!! Ok, I don't want to hurt your eyes with too many exclamations, but boy did it feel GOOD! I have been going through this process since Jan/Feb of this year. It was a long 8 months but I'm finally finished with chemo. Yes, I rang that bell. Ok, but hold on...pause. rewind. Let's go to the morning of my last day. So, I leave my house to meet my friend, who was going to drive me to Moffitt that day. Little did I know what to expect. I pulled up expecting to do the same thing. Hop in the car and drive away on our two hour trip, but that day she parked far away. I was curious, but I didn't think too m...

Hello World,  Wow, so much is happening at one time, and I don't know how to process it all. So, I'll write. :) I wanted to share an experience I had today...well, technically yesterday. Steroids can really keep you up, so you can thank them later. hahaha. I chose this title because I felt this today more than any other time that I've been to Moffitt. This was my second to last chemotherapy session. As we entered Moffitt, the smell of fear, annoyance, exhaustion, and medicine hit me. One session closer to being done with chemo, and one session closer to having to make the biggest decision of my life. So many thoughts hit me as we walked through the door. I don't express these things, because I don't want to be a Debbie downer to anyone who's making time to be with me. Most of all,  I don't want to worry them. Today was different. As we walked towards the blood draw center, a lady was waiting for someone, and my friend recognized her. Little did I kno...

Hello World, I've been quiet. I know. 16 rounds of chemo and 4 more to go - it's been a long journey my friends. Finally, some light at the end of the tunnel...I'm having to make some difficult decisions, and it's not always easy to want to write. I know I should write, because it helps me process my thoughts and feelings. I've had to cope with complete hair loss and effects to my body due to chemo. I always joked that I would look like a bird. LOL. Well, I think I look more like Mr. Clean than a bird, but birds are cute so we'll stick to bird for now. hahaha. Let me just say...this journey is hard. Extremely hard. Sometimes it's gets harder and harder to leave home. Some days I just want to lay in my bed and forget the world exists. Other days, I force myself to get up and live, because I know I have a purpose. A purpose I may not see clearly, but I trust God is carrying out in me. God always knows what you need when you need it. When I didn't expec...

Hello World, I know I've been a bit absent lately. I've been meaning to blog, but these past few months have been a roller coaster for me. Let me catch you up... My first round of chemotherapy did not go well at all. I was in the hospital for 7 hours, and I had two allergic reactions to one of my immunotherapy drugs and the first chemo drug. They had to stop it twice. The first reaction sent cold chills through my whole body. I started to shiver uncontrollably; despite the amount of blankets my sister kept piling on me. When the nurse came in to check on me, she asked me what I was feeling in that moment. After I described it, immediately an entire crew swarmed into the room. I could see them pulling out things quickly and stopping the immunotherapy. They had to bring me back to "baseline." Success. I was able to finish it off. Then they started the first chemo drug, and I only received half of it before my body started to feel itchy and heat. My breathing became ...

Hello world, It's been a minute. I guess...things are getting harder to write about right now. I'm in my feelings lately, and I'm trying to avoid being super emotional all the time. You'd be surprised the things that people say that make you tear up when you're going through a very difficult moment... The past month has been difficult. The past month has been emotional... I've had to make huge changes in my appearance in order to brace myself for what's to come. Well, what I think is "bracing" myself. The process has officially begun my friends. In my "personality A" attempt, I tried to beat it to the punch, and I chopped off my hair. One of the things I felt defined me as a person for the longest time, and now it's gone. I have only had my hair cut this short one other time in life, and it was the saddest day of my life. I cried. This time...I didn't cry, but I could feel the tears building when I thought about it too much....