The Roller Coaster of Cancer
Hello World,
I know I've been a bit absent lately. I've been meaning to blog, but these past few months have been a roller coaster for me. Let me catch you up...
My first round of chemotherapy did not go well at all. I was in the hospital for 7 hours, and I had two allergic reactions to one of my immunotherapy drugs and the first chemo drug. They had to stop it twice. The first reaction sent cold chills through my whole body. I started to shiver uncontrollably; despite the amount of blankets my sister kept piling on me. When the nurse came in to check on me, she asked me what I was feeling in that moment. After I described it, immediately an entire crew swarmed into the room. I could see them pulling out things quickly and stopping the immunotherapy. They had to bring me back to "baseline." Success. I was able to finish it off. Then they started the first chemo drug, and I only received half of it before my body started to feel itchy and heat. My breathing became heavier. It was getting harder to stay conscious. My lungs began to struggle. Again, the team swarmed into my room and stopped the drug. They had an Epipen ready in case my breathing didn't improve as they brought me back to baseline. I knew it was bad. I began to cry. I was tired. In that moment, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to be cancer free. I wanted to go back to my normal life. It was a lot to handle in one day. Luckily, my sister was there to comfort me. I am blessed to have her. I know it was hard for her to see me in that situation but she kept it together. The doctor decided to stop treatment, because it was too dangerous. My oncologist would have to find a new route. One in a million right?
All I can say is that God put me in the right hands. The team did everything that day to take care of me. They were the last to go home that day. I can only ask God to bless them for not caring about the extra hours they were working to keep me alive. Moffitt has done a wonderful job with my treatments. They found a new route that my body can handle. It will take me longer, but I won't have to worry about my life being put at risk.
The new treatments were a much better experience. By much better, I mean I wasn't having major reactions to them. Unfortunately, my immune system did drop...I ended up in the ER a few weeks later. I caught a virus. The physical pain I felt that week was way more than my chemo reactions. I felt like I was dying. In that moment, I couldn't handle it. I cried to the Lord. It was too much...it was more than I could carry. I was admitted into the hospital. I asked God to help me through it. I was desperate for anything to relieve me of the pain. Many people said God has a plan just trust Him. I questioned everything in that hospital. If this as the process to go through for a testimony...I didn't want it. Despite my questioning, I had so many wonderful people stop by and pray with me. God was still there and He was letting it be known. I even had a nurse named Angel when I was brought to my room. lol. I was unworthy of His love and mercy, but that didn't stop Him. I thank God for everyone who was praying for me and visited me.
Fast forward 3 weeks after my new treatment...my hair starts falling out. I had cut it short, but it was still coming out slowly. Then it started falling out in chunks. My snapchat friends could see it first hand. Hair would end up EVERYWHERE. Chunks and chunks would fall out all day. Finally, about 4 weeks ago...I shaved it off. I couldn't stand how it was looking and I kept it as long as I could mentally handle it. Thank God, I had purchased wigs and was blessed with one that has come in clutch. I didn't look at myself for days...but now I just get over it. Ladies...that experience...I would never wish it upon anyone. In a way, I've learned to embrace my inner beauty during this time. I'm alive right? Well, that's what matters the most.
About two weeks ago, I got a second cancer scare. I had to go in to see my local doctor. They were going to schedule me for a biopsy. When I received the news...I just broke down. Not again. This can't be happening right now. I decided I was done fighting. I wasn't going to undergo another type of chemo round. My heart broke. I didn't understand it at all. What did I do to have this happen? I felt like a terrible person for asking that question. People have it way harder than me. But, you get to this dark place and it's hard to look up from there. My humanity wanted to stop, but my spirit pushed me. I bent down on my knees and let it all out. I put my life in God's hands and I just spoke my truth. I went in for my appointment the next day accepting whatever it was, good or bad. My friends...God is merciful. It had disappeared. It was gone. They wouldn't have to perform a biopsy. I asked them to check again. The doctor assured me it was gone. In that moment, I just thanked God and my heart felt His love. Glory to God! Glory to my Redeemer! Glory to my Savior!
My body has had to take a lot during this time, and I try not to complain about the small things. I just thank God that I have such a strong support system backing me up, and that I'm seeing His hand in the midst of it all. You guys have no idea what's been happening besides cancer. I'm learning to just lean on God. I know I don't answer calls or texts sometimes, but I just don't have enough words to tell you how I'm doing right now. I'm just trying to keep my head above water.
Yesterday, I finished my first chunk of Chemo. Now I'm going to begin weekly treatments as opposed to every other week. Then, they have scheduled surgery for September. I still have faith God can make a miracle happen before surgery. Please help me pray.
Thank you to everyone who has been there. Everyone who has prayed. Everyone who has donated time and money. Everyone who keeps sending me messages and checking up on me. All I can say is that I am undeserving, and I know God will bless you more than you think. Right now, I'm in God's hands, and I can be in no better place. God has the last word over health. God will do His will. It has been a roller coaster; but, I know He loves me, and has plans to proper me and not hard me, hope and a future. <3
Love,
Dayse
I know I've been a bit absent lately. I've been meaning to blog, but these past few months have been a roller coaster for me. Let me catch you up...
My first round of chemotherapy did not go well at all. I was in the hospital for 7 hours, and I had two allergic reactions to one of my immunotherapy drugs and the first chemo drug. They had to stop it twice. The first reaction sent cold chills through my whole body. I started to shiver uncontrollably; despite the amount of blankets my sister kept piling on me. When the nurse came in to check on me, she asked me what I was feeling in that moment. After I described it, immediately an entire crew swarmed into the room. I could see them pulling out things quickly and stopping the immunotherapy. They had to bring me back to "baseline." Success. I was able to finish it off. Then they started the first chemo drug, and I only received half of it before my body started to feel itchy and heat. My breathing became heavier. It was getting harder to stay conscious. My lungs began to struggle. Again, the team swarmed into my room and stopped the drug. They had an Epipen ready in case my breathing didn't improve as they brought me back to baseline. I knew it was bad. I began to cry. I was tired. In that moment, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to be cancer free. I wanted to go back to my normal life. It was a lot to handle in one day. Luckily, my sister was there to comfort me. I am blessed to have her. I know it was hard for her to see me in that situation but she kept it together. The doctor decided to stop treatment, because it was too dangerous. My oncologist would have to find a new route. One in a million right?
All I can say is that God put me in the right hands. The team did everything that day to take care of me. They were the last to go home that day. I can only ask God to bless them for not caring about the extra hours they were working to keep me alive. Moffitt has done a wonderful job with my treatments. They found a new route that my body can handle. It will take me longer, but I won't have to worry about my life being put at risk.
The new treatments were a much better experience. By much better, I mean I wasn't having major reactions to them. Unfortunately, my immune system did drop...I ended up in the ER a few weeks later. I caught a virus. The physical pain I felt that week was way more than my chemo reactions. I felt like I was dying. In that moment, I couldn't handle it. I cried to the Lord. It was too much...it was more than I could carry. I was admitted into the hospital. I asked God to help me through it. I was desperate for anything to relieve me of the pain. Many people said God has a plan just trust Him. I questioned everything in that hospital. If this as the process to go through for a testimony...I didn't want it. Despite my questioning, I had so many wonderful people stop by and pray with me. God was still there and He was letting it be known. I even had a nurse named Angel when I was brought to my room. lol. I was unworthy of His love and mercy, but that didn't stop Him. I thank God for everyone who was praying for me and visited me.
Fast forward 3 weeks after my new treatment...my hair starts falling out. I had cut it short, but it was still coming out slowly. Then it started falling out in chunks. My snapchat friends could see it first hand. Hair would end up EVERYWHERE. Chunks and chunks would fall out all day. Finally, about 4 weeks ago...I shaved it off. I couldn't stand how it was looking and I kept it as long as I could mentally handle it. Thank God, I had purchased wigs and was blessed with one that has come in clutch. I didn't look at myself for days...but now I just get over it. Ladies...that experience...I would never wish it upon anyone. In a way, I've learned to embrace my inner beauty during this time. I'm alive right? Well, that's what matters the most.
About two weeks ago, I got a second cancer scare. I had to go in to see my local doctor. They were going to schedule me for a biopsy. When I received the news...I just broke down. Not again. This can't be happening right now. I decided I was done fighting. I wasn't going to undergo another type of chemo round. My heart broke. I didn't understand it at all. What did I do to have this happen? I felt like a terrible person for asking that question. People have it way harder than me. But, you get to this dark place and it's hard to look up from there. My humanity wanted to stop, but my spirit pushed me. I bent down on my knees and let it all out. I put my life in God's hands and I just spoke my truth. I went in for my appointment the next day accepting whatever it was, good or bad. My friends...God is merciful. It had disappeared. It was gone. They wouldn't have to perform a biopsy. I asked them to check again. The doctor assured me it was gone. In that moment, I just thanked God and my heart felt His love. Glory to God! Glory to my Redeemer! Glory to my Savior!
My body has had to take a lot during this time, and I try not to complain about the small things. I just thank God that I have such a strong support system backing me up, and that I'm seeing His hand in the midst of it all. You guys have no idea what's been happening besides cancer. I'm learning to just lean on God. I know I don't answer calls or texts sometimes, but I just don't have enough words to tell you how I'm doing right now. I'm just trying to keep my head above water.
Yesterday, I finished my first chunk of Chemo. Now I'm going to begin weekly treatments as opposed to every other week. Then, they have scheduled surgery for September. I still have faith God can make a miracle happen before surgery. Please help me pray.
Thank you to everyone who has been there. Everyone who has prayed. Everyone who has donated time and money. Everyone who keeps sending me messages and checking up on me. All I can say is that I am undeserving, and I know God will bless you more than you think. Right now, I'm in God's hands, and I can be in no better place. God has the last word over health. God will do His will. It has been a roller coaster; but, I know He loves me, and has plans to proper me and not hard me, hope and a future. <3
Love,
Dayse
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